The best part about this weekend's Conference Championships? For this vindictive Giants fan, it's the fact that Mike "I spend my spare time impersonating Steve Martin" Smith and Tom "Tawm" Brady will be sitting at home, watching the games. "Hey, Mike! Enjoy filming Pink Panther 3! Hey, Tawm! Enjoy... cuddling in bed with Giselle!" Damn, that didn't work the way I planned it. That guy is better at life in every way, than anyone, ever.
In the NFC, the Green Bay Packers visit the Chicago Bears in the frigid tundra of Soldier Field. Jay Cutler, he of the ever-present "who just farted?" face, won in his first playoff appearance with a total of 4 touchdowns. Nice work, but he won't be playing against the Zombie Seahawks (the worst playoff qualifier, EVER, by the way). The Packers are on a roll, having played with playoff urgency since their Week 15 loss to the Patriots. Aaron Rodgers is playing out of his mind, matching Cutler's 4-touchdown performance against the much better first seed Falcons. Clay Matthews and of the rest of the Packers defense are going to make life Hell for Cutler, who will have to keep his gunslinger tendencies in check for the biggest game of his career. The Bears are a good team, and will put up a fight, but they won't be able to cut the Cheeseheads. Packers 31, Bears 21.
In the AFC, the Pittsburgh Steelers play host to the New York Jets. Jets coach Rex Ryan says it's not personal this time, but the Jets will come in playing angry. It seems that's the only way they can play - although it's better than playing lazy, like another New York football team I know of. The Steelers play an efficient game of football on both sides of the ball, with Ben Roethlisberger leading a potent offense, and Troy Polamalu and James Harrison keeping that Steel City defense scarier than Linda Blair. The Jets have a brilliant running game comprised of Shonn Green and LaDasinian Tomlinson, with a terrific bull-rushing defense. This game will probably come down to who makes the right coaching moves - the bombastic Ryan or the stoic Mike Tomlin (who has an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Foreman on the FOX Network's show House). The smart money is on the Steelers, who are looking to make their biannual trip to the Super Bowl, but I'm not smart and I have no money. I'm going to go out on a long, close to the ground limb, and say Jets 21, Steelers 17.